whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she looked like the before picture.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize