Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
