I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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