K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
