Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
