I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
