I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize