Someone shit on the floor
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
