he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
