Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
