am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
