Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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