8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
