i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
