someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
