I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
