I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
