I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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