I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
