They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
