Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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