Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
