She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
