There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize