I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
