Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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