The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
