Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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