omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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