My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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