There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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