it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
