You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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