don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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