the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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