Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I understand Curling. That high.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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