Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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