I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
