I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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