we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
