i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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