Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
