You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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