he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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