I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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