my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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