I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
