I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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