she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
