you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
