True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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