I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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