he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
