I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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