i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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