that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
