Just mADE A PArabola og urine
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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