She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize