After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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