It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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