I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
