did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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