tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
