make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize