Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
