what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
