i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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