forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
