Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
