And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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