who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
