I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
