she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
