you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
