I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize