"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
