Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
