It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
