Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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