i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
