i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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