His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
