Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
