I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
