i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize