:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
