you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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