He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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