My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
