I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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