now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
handjob tips. give me some.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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