I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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