So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
