i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We're too hungover to prance.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
