Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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