You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
