i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize