i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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