Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
