it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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