The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize