You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
