So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Randomize
