i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
