It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
